Poem: For Strong Women

I found this poem in my inbox from a friend of mine who considers me a strong women. It made me think about how the idea of feminists as "super women" could be another negative stereotype. I posted this poem on facebook, and got a comment from a male friend who wanted to know more about feminism. My reply to him is after this poem.

"For Strong Women"by Marge Piercy, 1936

A strong woman is a woman who is straining
A strong woman is a woman standingon tiptoe and lifting a barbell while trying to sing "Boris Godunov."

A strong woman is a woman at workcleaning out the cesspool of the ages,and while she shovels, she talks about how she doesn't mind crying, it opens the ducts of the eyes, and develops the stomach muscles, and she goes on shoveling with tears in her nose.

A strong woman is a woman in whose heada voice is repeating, I told you so,ugly, bad girl, bitch, nag, shrill, witch,ballbuster, nobody will ever love you back,why aren't you feminine, why aren'tyou soft, why aren't you quiet, why aren't you dead?

A strong woman is a woman determined to do something others are determinednot be done. She is pushing up on the bottomof a lead coffin lid. She is trying to raisea manhole cover with her head, she is tryingto butt her way through a steel wall.Her head hurts. People waiting for the hole to be made say, hurry, you're so strong. A strong woman is a woman bleeding inside.

A strong woman is a woman making herself strong every morning while her teethloosen and her back throbs. Every baby,a tooth, midwives used to say, and now every battle a scar.

A strong woman is a mass of scar tissue that acheswhen it rains and wounds that bleedwhen you bump them and memories that get upin the night and pace in boots to and fro.

A strong woman is a woman who craves lovelike oxygen or she turns blue choking.A strong woman is a woman who lovesstrongly and weeps strongly and is stronglyterrified and has strong needs. A strong woman is strongin words, in action, in connection, in feeling;she is not strong as a stone but as a wolfsuckling her young.

Strength is not in her, but she enacts it as the wind fills a sail.What comforts her is others lovingher equally for the strength and for the weakness from which it issues, lightning from a cloud. Lightning stuns. In rain, the clouds disperse. Only water of connection remains,flowing through us.

Strong is what we makeeach other.

Until we are all strong together, a strong woman is a woman strongly afraid.

My reply to my male friend's comments about the poem/feminism:

I think people don't see how feminism actually represents very broad interests partly because of the "fem" part of the word. In my English class today, someone actually used the word "feminism" by mistake when they wanted to say, "femininity." The french word, feministe, coined in 1851, started out meaning "state of femininity." After that, in the late 1800's, "feminist" started to connote a person who advocates for women's rights. After the third wave of feminism, though, feminists today are questioning the actual binary of "woman" and "man" and debating about the constructiveness of gender/sex itself.

Men have always actively participated in the feminist movements, and have benefited from the feminist movements, too. Just the fact that you had the choice to take home ec classes is because of the work of individual men and women who worked to give girls and boys access to all educational opportunities. But the fact that you were made of by your peers and called homosexual is revealing about how much work there is left to do.

The "definition" of feminism, at its basic core, is just about working for the social, economic and political equality of all people. It could mean different things for different feminists, but if you are comfortable with the term, "equalist," you probably also agree with the basic goals of feminism. But a lot of men and women who believe in equality don't want to call themselves feminists because they want to avoid associating themselves with the negative stereotypes surrounding feminists, or because they don't think the word feminist adequately represents everyone's interests.

In my opinion, I think that getting rid of the word feminist seems like a kind of giving up. The negative connotations about feminists has been deliberately put into place to undermine the movement, and when people who do believe in equality reject that word, it could seem as if they are condoning the silly stereotyping. But in all, I think people should not spend too much time arguing about or being afraid of words in general.

When I was a kid and first started thinking about why I felt like I had to do the things that I did, like dieting from grade 4 onwards, I gradually fell in love with the word, feminist. Even when my peers were playing make out games in the corner and calling each other freezes or homos or girls, sluts, feminism made me feel like I was a part of a critical movement, even though I felt isolated.

A poem like this one now makes me feel less isolated as well. I've been calling myself a feminist for years, and although the stereotype of feminists as butch man-haters doesn't bother me very much, I do struggle with the alternative stereotype about feminists that is more positive: the idea that all feminists are strong, independent women, who do not require loving relationships, and who do not succumb to self-doubt and anxiety.

In reality, many women who happily identify themselves as feminists are unhappy about their bodies, or want to "fit in" and pursue the feminine beauty ideal. A lot of feminists also worry about their loveability or worth as romantic partners. I think the poem, "For Strong Women," focuses on raising solidarity amongst all people--even if they do not consider themselves strong women, or are not women.

Reading the poem made me feel relieved because it says that I am still a strong woman even if I am afraid, or do not feel strong or powerful to effect change at all sometimes. A strong woman is not strong all the time, but can demonstrate strength even if she is struggling with different things. She also needs the strength, love and support of other people. Same goes for strong men of course.